dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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