ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
