I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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