There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
