they need to just BURY HIM!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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