Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
