I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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