Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
