So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
