Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
