The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
