my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
