Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
