Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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