Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
