fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We named our party play list daddy issues
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
