when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
