Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need moral support for this bender
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
