I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
