If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How does one acquire holy water?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
