How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
