Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
