My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
