She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
