the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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