his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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