Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
