i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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