id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
