she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
