I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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