I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
