What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize