Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
