so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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