twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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