Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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