READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
