Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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