wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
