some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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