Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
