Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
