I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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