I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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