u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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