Tell her she can't have a vagina
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
