just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
