There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
