i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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