marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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