Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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