I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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