if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.