The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
