In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
