i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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