it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
