Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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