That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
