1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sarcasm needs its own font
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
