eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
