he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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