you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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