you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
