Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
