there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
