I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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