Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
3 2 1 whiskey
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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