that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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