Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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