omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
