Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
