My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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